Cull Party #2

“Bad wines, bad wines, Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they’re served to you?” Write tasting notes, that’s what!

Culbertson NV Cuvee Rouge Sparkling Pinot: Brett, decayed strawberries, palate follows the nose. Nice start.

Royal Malgreb NV red: At least this has the color of wine. The best aspect was the TCA.

Vendange NV Pinot Noir: Nothing special, but it didn’t hurt us like the last two. All flavor scientifically removed.

’85 Ridge Park-Muscatine zin: Classic example of a wine where the fruit has sacrificed itself to protect the acid and tannin.

’90 Santa Rita Riserva Cabernet Sauvignon (Wine Spectator Critic’s Choice award): Musty, stemmy, not even vaguely resembling a fruit product. With a few years in the bottle now, the TCA has fully integrated.

’85 La Tour Carnet (Bordeaux): See, even the French are capable of putting vegetable juice in a wine bottle. And I coulda had a V-8!

’87 Firestone Cabernet Sauvignon: What up wid dat? My face hurts.

’85 Girard Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve: Excellent complexity, consisting of equal parts burning rubber and vegetables.

’94 Buena Vista Merlot: Finally a wine we can swallow. For anything else, see “Vendange”.

’86 William Hill Cabernet Sauvignon Gold Label: Crisp and vibrant, in the sense that battery acid is crisp and vibrant.

’87 William Hill Cabernet Sauvignon Gold Label: The hallmark of a great winery is consistency year to year.

’84 Sutter Home White Zin: The year is not a misprint. The aftertaste is similar to the taste in your mouth after a good vomit.

’85 Sutter Home White Zin: Fortunately, this was horrendously corked.

’86 Ridge Cabernet Sauvignon York Creek: Where have I smelled this before? Ah, got it! When I was about 14, a classmate sold me a baggie of a green leafy substance for $10, assuring me it was “really great shit!” It never occurred to my 14 year old hormone-addled brain that I should be suspicious of someone selling me “great shit” at half the going price. Quote of that week: “I don’t feel anything yet. Is that what it’s supposed to do?”